1st blog of the new decade, refocused on life in a positive light.

well this is my 1st blog of the new year, aka new decade. lets recap, and see where i end up before this blog is over. lifes been an incredible journey for me in the short 22 years ive been here. people have come, people have gone. some people have come back twice, and left twice as much as that.. some of it has made me stronger, some of it has weakened me a little to be quite honest but i appreciate everyone ive shared close relationships with. whether you were just friends,relatives, companions, relatives of companions.. whatever you were you all meant somethin to me and still do. i was blessed to experience times with you all, and i hold you close to my heart. the past decade has taught me alot, alot about life and the people in life. ive always been naive when it comes to people, but i dont see that as a challenge that i need to over come in order to understand people, i see it as a gift of having compassion for folks and not having stereotypical thinking. i believe all people have the ability to change, its just up to we as people to want to change. no one is incapable, or a "product of our own environment" i grew up in a rough neighborhood, but from looking at me you wouldnt be able to tell. i knew what was right or wrong, i chose to follow my own path, which is why i view people the way i do. dont get me wrong, ive made some terrible choices in my life, but thats all part of the growing experiece. people do as they want, then learn from that choice on either that choice was good and i should continue, or that choice was bad, maybe i shouldnt do that again, or if the choice was bad, but there was no reprecussion for it, they choose it again because they didnt get caught or there was no consequence or whatever. ive got to say my most trying time, would be the year 2009. this year has just been crazy. feeled with pain, heartache, and negativity all around. the year started off rocky, and in my attempt to fix it, got even worst. it all got worst in the summer. july 1st solidified that. funny how this was the start of the other half of the year. this time just was feeled with so much desperation and pain. i can still feel all those emotions and its just a crazy situation i was in. i wont go into detail about it because ill be here all night, and people have a short attention span... lol.. at anyrate this is where the weakening me comes in. i can honestly say it broke me down to an embarrassing mind state for some one like me, and i vow to never revisit that again. im stronger now. ive learned from that. and because of re-establishing my relationship with god, ive come out more focused and smarter in decision making. that part of my life isnt over yet, theres still some "deals" so to speak to be worked out before i can trully move on from that part of my own history. it just seems like a whole nother world when i look back on it. the air was different, the vibe, just everything was crazy, i can feel every detail of all those terrible moments. but like i said in the beginnging, im thankful for all people who have come and gone, im thankful for all these experiences for they have set the blueprint and ground work for different things to happen, and different people to enter my life, and some to exit.. ill continue on this path and know that god will show me the way.. 2010 has been my excape from all of the negativities of 09 and im being clairvoyant when i say nothing but good will come from this year. im looking forward to it. AUH AUH

the last 5 months

this is my 1st music blog, its about the issues and my feelings on the last 5 months of my life... its only the tip of the iceberg... there will be more to come...

I appologize for what im not, will you still love me for who i am?

i am not a thug

i am not a cheater

i am not a liar

i am not controlling

i am not abusive

i am not manipulative

i am not insensitive

i am not arrogant

i am not rich

i wont hit you

i wont cheat on you

i wont lie to you

i wont control you

i wont hurt you

i wont trick you

i wont ignore your feelings

i wont act as if you are beneath me

i wont sneak behind your back

i wont pressure you for sex

i wont hide things from you

i WILL be faithful

i WILL always tell you the truth no matter how much itll hurt

i WILL hold you at night

i WILL kiss you often

I WILL uplift you

I WILL suprise you with things thatll make you smile

I WILL remember special dates and things in our relationship

i WILL save the money i do make, to buy something that is meaningful, rather than just being something the dope boyz can get you everyday

I WILL tell you everything

I WILL look you in your eyes when i tell you how i feel

I WILL brag to my friends and family about you

I WILL steal your heart, and never let it go

I WILL trust you

I WILL be jealous of any man you associate with who croses the line of your friendship, not because i dont trust you, but i care THAT much about you to not want someone to come between us

i WILL keep you happy

but most importantly, I WILL love you

i appologize for all the things i am not, i appologize for having morals and values, i appologize for the things i wont do, I appologize for believing in respect of women, i appologize for being a good man with natural human flaws, rather than a typical man with self made flaws. i appologize for being being mr. right that makes mistakes, rather than mr wrong that loves to see hearts break. i appologize for being spontaneous, instead of sequential, i appologize to you ms. wrong, u didnt notice my potential AUH AUH

my experiences at the bulls game thursday, and beyond lol

ok, so i had a VERY interesting time thursday with the whole bulls game and such ok, im with allen and andrasha were gettin on the shuttle to go to raymond james. im in my seat and me and allen notice this very gay dude gettin on and i say i hope he dont sit by me man.. wtf. ok, he didnt, no homo, but id rather have had him sit by me than the 2 characters that sat next to me. well, the dude was cool but his girlfriend was FUCKED UP. im squished to the window cuz shes sittin on his lap and shit. im pissed, but playin it cool (tryin this new thing where i hold my temper) this white girl is drunk as hell and grindin him in the seat and yellin FUCK YEA FUCK YEA FUCK YEA lol.. hes tryna calm her down but she too drunk to listen. then i guess i caught her attention cuz of my shades... so shes asks can she hold my shades. bein cool and nice i say sure. i give her the shades and SHE KISSES ME! RIGHT INFRONT OF HER BOYFRIEND!! i was like wat the fuck?! then she says ur so cool guy where did u get these? (urban outfitters) BABE HES SO COOL HE GOT THEM FROM URBAN OUTFITTERS!! allen is lovein this in the back and is crackin up. she gives me back the shades and i put my ipod on. tryin to avoid further contact. ...... #FAIL a song comes on, on the bus and she talks to me again askin if i knew the song.. no... then she goes, oh man were gonna love this song together ill teach u. she proceeds to start singin and grindin her bf again.. the guy next to him said to me that i deserve a drink for dealin wit that and bein so cool bout it lol.. this girl then starts flashin the bus.. lol then theres a guy next to andrasha peein in a bottle and another sniffin chewing tabacco? lol the drunk broad tells andrasha that she loves her lol.. then she talks to me again touchin me and shit sayin im cool for lettin her hold the glasses then she hugs me lol... i finally got my ipod back on and how ironic that "blame it" came on right then and there.. lol next thing i know, this girl says to her boyfriend that she has to pee. and says shes gonna pee on HIM and proceeds to unbutton and pull down her pants!! LOL.. i had it from there i died.. this shit was SO funny and ridic man... too bad the bulls lost tho... :( BUT, me and allen went to legends for the after party, clean as hell, (shoulda took pics) highlight of the night, me and allen bein tipsy swag surfin it was a good day. and i didnt have to beat a certain suckas ass at that game, so, it was all good. AUH AUH!

my wishes....

feel better soon ernestine... i wish i could be there for u. hope ur ok.

think about this...

When we think a lot of ourselves, we cannot stand to look bad in others' eyes. When we are hurt and embarrassed, we want to strike back. We think that by repaying injury with injury it will make us feel better. We believe that justice means an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Nothing is further from the truth. If we set aside our pride, we find that it is not so difficult to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness heals injuries, instead of opening new wounds... also, a part of forgiveness is allowing those you are forgving to heal the wounds.. its never a good thing to just leave things in the air.. if someone is trully sorry, they should prove it through actions, and not just the words "im sorry"

clairvoyance

hello everyone. im new to this blogging thing so bare with me. hmmm lets see i think ill just make this blog a tangent, see where i end up... its funny how most of our lives end up. things that you did yesterday will affect your life months even years ahead but you wont know that until that particular day comes. some of us take certain things for granted as well which is never a good thing, but some of us are lucky and still end up in a good position. alot of us like to forget the past because behind us we hide ourselves from bad memories and unpleasent circumstances but the thing i found out, especially in the recent past 4 years is that everything that you do, everything that you go through in the past, only paves the way for who you are today and who you're going to be in the future. we should shun those things of the past, or forget about them. we should embrace them because they change our outlook on the world and force us to do things in better manners than we would once upon a time. even things like heartbreak. think of it this way, ofcourse nobody like to get to get their hearbroken. makes you feel as though your life is over and that you've wasted your time with yet someone else that let you down. but sometimes heartbreak works out for the better, because sometimes you find someone whos better that you didnt even know was possible and it makes the heartbreak all the better. sometimes even makes you glad that, that person did you wrong or whatever the situation may be, because now your able to experience a greater happiness that you did even know existed. this is in now way trying to give fairytale dreams to anyone, all im saying is, dont forget about the yesterdays, because without any yesterdays, you have no todays, and without a today, you dont have anyroom for a tommorow. peace and love.